Gustible - under the rubric of [$_SELF]

Lindy and I were invited to dinner recently. We had a great evening – great food and company. But we broke one cardinal rule … we got distracted into discussing politics.

Normally this would not be a problem. I expect, especially in the South African context, that discussing politics would be a fairly heated and even polarising affair in any group of people. Normally the diversity of opinion would make for interesting discussion, and everyone would have the space to air their views, and would have their views accepted. This evening turned out slightly different. I am still not sure what pressed my buttons – what exactly it is that left me with such a bad taste in my mouth, but let me try to express it.

A particular person in the group, whom I have always greatly respected and admired for her sense of humour, wisdom and willingness to accept people, gave an interpretation of the South African political landscape that I found profoundly disturbing.

I am not going to repeat the conversation verbatim (can’t remember it all anyway), but I want to talk about some of the points she raised – and yes, this is a subjective interpretation. But – subjectivity is in the final analysis what we have to work with when we interpret the world and our place in it.

Some of the things that were said:

- Democracy in South Africa is “special” – a literal quote.

- I should think very carefully about making any statements regarding the politics in this country, because people have died for the right to speak freely.

- The recently fired premier of the Western Cape was clever with words, and therefore “sly”

- I should be very careful what comments I make in terms of the provincial government, because governing a province is not the same as “working for a little internet company”

- Under the new government corruption is more visible. ( I believe this to be true…but it certainly does not justify corruption).

The conversation was long (if it can be called a conversation, rather than a one-way rant). Many more things were said. But at the end of it I came to certain conclusions.

First of all – the fight against apartheid was a battle that was always intended to benefit only some people. Some people will gain the right to speak freely. Others better keep quiet. I am not so naive that I cannot understand the need for “payback” – but please do not tell me “freedom is for all” if you do not mean it.

Secondly – some cultural/ethnic groupings have more “rights” than others. And this is not a black/white issue, at all. It is more to do with cultural homogeneity than anything else.

Thirdly – it is a bad thing to be clever with words. Why ? It is the JOB of politicians to be clever with words. However – the clever politicians of the ruling party are always right, and should not be questioned. They were democratically elected – this means they are infallible.

I can carry on. And this post will probably sound to many ears like “another whitey whining”. Maybe it is. But given the very high regard in which I held (still hold) this person, and given the level of disappointment and disillusion I suffered from this, I was really taken aback and deeply upset by the conversation. I feel I am forced to one conclusion. The conclusion is that I am not wanted in this country. It is quite a hard thing – to feel unwanted.

For many people, across all cultural and racial groupings in South Africa the situation here has become very difficult. Crime, xenophobia, corruption, uncertainty.

I have been drifting between optimism, fear, optimism. At the time of the xenophobic attacks I have been embarrassed to have a South African passport – wishing I could hide it at customs. Other times I have been very proud to be South African. I have been taken in by the distortions and sensationalism of the media as much as anyone. I have worried and fretted about race and politics and all the rest of it as much as anyone else.

But now – now I do not want to live here anymore. I have never been a political person. Fundamentally I do not judge people by their religion or their race. I like PEOPLE. I judge PEOPLE, and I interact with PEOPLE. This was, for me, the straw that broke the camel’s back – a friend who told me in so many words that I am not wanted here, in this country. Now I am really, really ready to go. Maybe I will come back to this country. But right now, I am looking to leave.

Job offers, anyone ?